I hate working out. However, I love the way I feel while working out even though finding motivation can be hard. Exercise is something I know I need to do because I weigh between 280lbs and 320lbs (I honestly don't know the exact number because there is no longer an electronic scale at my gym and I'm too afraid to purchase one of my own). Still, working out seems more like a chore than a hobby and I envy those who love going to the gym because I'm not happy about it until half way through my workout when the endorphins start to kick in. With summer less than six months away and me being in a general funk about my health, I decided to ask my mom for personal training sessions as a late Christmas/early birthday present. She agreed and I gave my personal trainer, Aaron a call. When she asked what I wanted out of my personal training sessions, I responded, "I want you to kick my ass."
So 10 weeks ago I met with her for our first session at the Women's Club in Missoula with the intent to meet every two weeks, so we can change my routine and make it more difficult as necessary. First Aaron introduced me to the new "machine" the Queenax, which is basically this jungle-gym looking thing with bars, ropes, and pulleys. (insert picture) The Queenax allows me to use my full body weight while exercising to help maximize my workout, I also feel it gives a little more support than a TRX. With the Queenax I can squat deeper and do rows like never before. (This is not to say one mechanism is better than the other, one just suits me better). After my first session back with Aaron I felt like jelly because we focused on so many different muscle groups from my core to my arms and my legs.
I can already feel muscle mass building in the short time I've been back at the gym, and it's a good feeling. I have not weighed myself but my guess would be that I haven't lost any weight yet and that's okay. Working out for me isn't about losing weight necessarily, it's about being healthy and feeling good about myself. For me it's about being able to canoe, kayak, raft and hike in the summer without feeling like dying. Like I said, I might not love working out, but if I want to continue my relationships with carbs and ice cream, I need to. For me it's time to redefine what being "in shape" or "fit" means since we all come in different "shapes" that "fit" different clothes. Just because I'm a big woman does not mean I don't exercise, it just means that being a specific size or weight is not my number one priority and that's okay too.
