Thalia and Melpomene. The comedy and tragedy of life. All the world is a stage if you choose to think it that way and my foundation was structured in my ability to transform into any character that I desired. A thespian from the womb I spent much of my youth entertaining others. At nineteen I got my first tattoo of a bass clef on my left shoulder. Not a musician and limited in my sheet reading skills I tilted the clef slightly counterclockwise to resemble the sorrow of Melpomene. One of those things I never fully thought through, I went on to explain so many reasons as to why I branded my body with such ink. My rapid response, "I'm deep." It would take 7 years and a moment on dismay for me to actually understand the true depth of my persona. Somewhere between depression and anxiety I decided to start running to exude excess energy. Four month later I was on the beach in Hawaii running my first marathon. Around mile 21 my knee gave out. As the hot island sun pierced my skin I hobbled across the finish line and cried in my palms, holding onto every last second of cell phone battery. When we arrived back at our luxurious chateau to rest and rejuvenate, I found nothing more enticing than eating a heavy meal in the comfort of our tranquil hot tub. I loaded a tall plate of kitchen sink nachos and proceeded to the warm waters. Serenity enveloped my body as my sore muscles drowned in a pond of peace. That moment ended when my breast hit the water. A stinging surge of pain struck my body. I reached to find the source and felt broken skin on my fingers. I jumped out to survey the moment and found large exposed sores covering my under boob. This was a first. All that friction had caused major chaffing to my body. Like any wound I knew that this would heal and it did. Leaving a gnarly scar and great story to share. The running bug swept me up as I continued to train, race, and scar. I tried every product, even bandaids, which left even bigger gash under my breast. From anti-chaffing sprays to Glide to vaseline I still have yet to find the right solution to a problem that just won't go away. I'm pushing a D cup bra size which is large for my thin frame. I have to purchase a small sports bra to fit my body yet it is too small for my breast. If I were to use a medium bra, I would not have enough support around my rib cage. I have tried every brand of bra, even the new pro series from Nike and have yet to find something the works for me. At one point I considered getting tattoos to cover the damage, as if new scars would not appear. One morning I surveyed my body to examine all the many scars awarded over time. I remembered the story of how I got them and why they are a part of me. Just like running is a part of my story, chaffing is as well. Hidden to public view, I wear these marks proudly when given the opportunity. More low plunging dresses, more underboob shirts. Along with the ink that brands my existence. These scars are my tattoos. Sade put it best Hungry for life And thirsty for the distant river Like the scar of age Written all over my face The war is still raging inside of me I still feel the chill As i reveal my shame to you I wear it like a tattoo I wear it like a tattoo I wear it like a tattoo Images by Mike Schreiber
